THINGS ELI HAS FORGOTTEN: How to walk. This is because Eli has a brain injury.
THINGS I HAVE FORGOTTEN: How to sleep. The word for scissors. What being cold feels like. This is because I am “pre-menopausal.”
THINGS MY HUSBAND HAS FORGOTTEN: Where he put his phone. Where he put the keys to Eli’s van. Where he put Eli. (Clue: Eli was in the van with the keys right before Pete locked them both inside.) This is because he is … “pre-elderly." (Except he’s always done stuff like this, so…)
THINGS MY OTHER THREE CHILDREN HAVE FORGOTTEN: How to close the basement refrigerator door…for two days. How to close the basement freezer door…for one week. How to turn the thermostat back up to 76 after they turned it down to 62 “just for a minute because I was hot.” (Only took six hours to notice the frost on the windows.) This is because they have brain damage. Brain damage is different from Eli’s brain injury. According to Bill Cosby, all children are born with brain damage. This is compounded by the fact that we have apparently taught them from an early age that money comes from Grandma and food is free.
When I was a new parent, I had visions of gathering my children around my tanned, flexible knees (It’s MY vision, ok?) and teaching them to be fiscally responsible citizens of the world.
I must have forgot.
Tanya,
ReplyDeleteYour entries always find a way to put a smile on my face. Your writing is consistently clever and funny. And I totally agree with Bill Cosby. I guess we're all damaged in some way.
Also, who says you can't gather your children and teach them to be fiscally responsible citizens now?
I can identify with you on the forgetting! I'm not menopausal and I'm not anywhere close to old age but i always tend to forget things here and there. I know some people who RARELY forget anything and I always wonder if there is an extra "remember" gene or something that they have that I don't. I tend to lose my keys a lot, I am always looking for my cell phone when it has been in my hand the whole time, and for some reason I can never leave the house with everything I need for the day. I have probably spent countless hours going back to my house to find whatever I was forgetting. Oh ya, and the things I leave in my car when I desperately need them! I guess the list is neverending, but I appreciate you sharing your personal life the way you do. It helps me to "remember" that I'm not the only one who forgets things and that its abnormal if you are the person who never forgets!
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